Weeks 1–2 · Listening
Hearing the whole thing before answering, which is harder than it sounds.
The programs, in detail
Four programs of 6 to 10 weeks, all worked on together, with practice between the sessions.
Program 01 · Be heard, actually
Everyday communication
The basics, done deliberately. We practice reflecting back what your partner said before responding, turning complaints into specific requests, and holding a short weekly conversation so problems surface while they're still small.
Weeks 3–4 · Asking
Turning “you never” into a request that can actually be met.
Weeks 5–6 · The weekly check-in
Fifteen minutes, same time, short agenda.
Weeks 7–8 · Under stress
Keeping all of it when you're tired and annoyed.
Weeks 1–2 · The map
Writing the pattern out together, calmly, when it isn't happening.
Weeks 3–4 · The pause
An agreed way to stop before it escalates, that neither of you resents.
Weeks 5–6 · Repair
Coming back within 24 hours and what to say.
Weeks 7–8 · The underlying need
What the fight is usually standing in for.
Program 02 · Break the loop
The recurring fight
Recurring fights follow a script. We write yours down — the trigger, the first move, the escalation, the silence afterward — and design interruptions: an agreed pause, a signal, and a repair conversation that happens within a day rather than three days later.
Program 03 · Fair, and settled
Money & chores
Most of this is a systems problem wearing an emotional coat. We make the invisible work visible, agree a split that both of you consider fair, and write down the decisions so they stop being renegotiated every week. For investment or tax decisions, see a licensed adviser.
Weeks 1–2 · The full list
Every recurring task and bill, including the invisible ones.
Weeks 3–4 · Money
Shared and personal, proportional or equal, decided explicitly.
Weeks 5–6 · The mental load
Ownership of whole tasks rather than being reminded.
Weeks 7–8 · Review
A monthly fifteen-minute review that keeps it current.
Weeks 1–2 · Where it went
An honest look at how your time together is actually spent.
Weeks 3–4 · Rituals
Two small recurring things you'll both protect.
Weeks 5–6 · Attention
Noticing and saying so, as a practiced habit.
Program 04 · More than logistics
Time together
Long-term partnerships drift toward being a well-run operations meeting. We build small, repeatable rituals — a real conversation each week, something to look forward to each month — and practice attention and appreciation, which sound soft and change how a week feels.
Which argument keeps coming back?
Twenty minutes with both of you, free, to name the pattern and see whether coaching fits.